このpoemはすごいですね！ It is amazing how you captured the essence of loneliness and sadness in just five lines. And I really like the shortness and bluntness of your lines (: One question I have is: Did the girl just get off the train, did she miss it, or did she choose not to board it? Also, this is just a suggestion, but I think you should keep the english translations separate because I find that when I first looked at your poem, my eyes immediately went to the english parts (since I understand that language best). It almost made the Japanese fall into the background.
Thank you for the comment :) Tammi-san, I tried to avoid to relate a story to this poem because I wanted to describe the image. I don't even know if the person is he or she, and I tried to project an image of those who are feeling homesick.
Thank you for your suggestion and I will fix it :))
ソフィさんはせんりゅがじょうずですね！I very much enjoyed the use of katakana, the contrasting sounds of the train and the tears are quite powerful. Also, I think it was quite helpful that you provided a translation (not that a full one is needed, but...), it makes the poetry much more accessible.
Sophy さん。
ReplyDeleteこの poem は とても sad ですね！
so much emotion in such a short poem.
いいですね。
わたしは すきです。
おんあのこは どこへ いきますか？
Sophy-san,
ReplyDeleteこのpoemはすごいですね！
It is amazing how you captured the essence of loneliness and sadness in just five lines. And I really like the shortness and bluntness of your lines (:
One question I have is: Did the girl just get off the train, did she miss it, or did she choose not to board it?
Also, this is just a suggestion, but I think you should keep the english translations separate because I find that when I first looked at your poem, my eyes immediately went to the english parts (since I understand that language best). It almost made the Japanese fall into the background.
Thank you for the comment :)
ReplyDeleteTammi-san,
I tried to avoid to relate a story to this poem because I wanted to describe the image.
I don't even know if the person is he or she, and I tried to project an image of those who are feeling homesick.
Thank you for your suggestion and I will fix it :))
ありがとう！
gonichiwa, sophy san.
ReplyDeleteyour work is so emotional and touches my mind..
i ruminate on why thinking about mother while train leaving..
good work.
Sophy-san
ReplyDeleteポエンがとてもすきです！きれいなしゃしんです。i think your poem is really beautiful and sad but also so short and sweet that it's really successful :) いいですね！
クリオ
このポエムはかんたんですが、きょうりょくです。とてもいいですね！
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete詩はみみじかいですが、とてもいいです！とてもさべしとかなしいですよ！ I like how you used katakana to convey the feeling of homesick and the sound of the train.
ReplyDeleteソフィさんはせんりゅがじょうずですね！I very much enjoyed the use of katakana, the contrasting sounds of the train and the tears are quite powerful. Also, I think it was quite helpful that you provided a translation (not that a full one is needed, but...), it makes the poetry much more accessible.
ReplyDelete